Oh, Bolivia

So, I tried posting something the other day, but I got a bit distracted and...well...yeah. It's been an amazing three weeks and I am both excited and heart-broken that I leave in just 9 days!
Being here has been an interesting experience to say the least. In fact, I have actually been feeling pretty indifferent towards everything and that is absolutely terrifying to me. I mean, I should at least be feeling something...right? I had still not even cried yet for these beautiful children who are without mothers and fathers. This is the reason that I came here...to have my eyes opened and my heart broken for God's precious kids.
I finally understood, after spending 2 hours on the phone rambling on about what I just couldn't figure out (thanks for being so patient Kevin). After 2 1/2 weeks of indifference and complacency on the outside, I realized that I was actually angry with God. I mean, it's one thing to talk about how God has a plan for these kids and that we should love them the way that He does. But after getting to know these awesome children and putting so many beautiful names and faces into the category of "fatherless", I just could not help questioning God's hand in all of this.
It is extremely frustrating to be angry with God when I came here to Bolivia in pursuit of His will and to worship Him. Yet my mind continually returns to James 1:27 which says "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress..." I still don't understand why God would allow so many children to live in this world without knowing the loving caress of their mother's touch or the proud look in their father's eyes, and yet I am so incredibly blessed to know both. Life just does not make sense. But, I do know this: God's heart breaks infinitely more than mine ever could for these incredible children and His desire is that they would take refuge in His unfailing love, knowing that they are His and He is theirs.
Needless to say, I finally cried last night for the first time since arriving here in Cochabamba and I am sure that it is not the last time either. Please pray for the wonderful children of Casa de Amor, they need families, they need stability and security, they need love, but most of all, they need Jesus.